I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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