My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
