I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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