Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
