what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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