All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
