Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
