Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
