We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
