Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize