Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
