He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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