i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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