I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
