i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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