You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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