why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize