May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
