Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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