Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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