lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
