Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
