There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he was CRYING into my vagina
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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