She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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