The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Im part way to drunk.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
