Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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