oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
