you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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