Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
