tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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