Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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