my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
