Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
