I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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