I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
