Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
