hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize