Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
