hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
