I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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