I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
