I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
