I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I need a beard to bite.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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