im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
