Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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