Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
