all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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