If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was confusing and full of hummus
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
