how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
