My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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