also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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