We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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