he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
