I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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