You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
whose parrot is this?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
