Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
