I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize