In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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