It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
