Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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