so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
