he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
