god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
