He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
