Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
