Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
