are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Someone signed my nipple.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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