we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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