Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
