Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
