Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
