I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
