Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
