I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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