My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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