Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
