my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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