I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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